Losing someone we love and very close to us is in itself a very difficult thing to come to terms with, another thing that is difficult is dealing with the awkwardness that comes from people when we speak to them.
Slowly but surely the people that I had spoken to previously with ease have somehow become awkward around me and avoid me at all costs. I can totally understand this as I have had people around me that had lost loved ones and you know you get that feeling like, what must I say, what if I say the wrong thing, I wonder how they are coping, should I ask them?!
As someone who has lost their husband, it would be nice for people to know that they should just keep being themselves to their friends and loved ones after they have suffered such a lose. We almost feel like we have had to deal with such a massive loss already and then to deal with losing friends and family due to awkwardness it becomes all too much to bear.
It still happens to me three and a half years down the road. As soon as people find out that I have lost my husband they almost shut down and don't know what to say to me, even if I am the one to start the conversation and I am bubbly towards them. I now find myself hiding the fact that I am a widow. Of course having a child instantly brings up questions about my partner and I am not about to lie.
I remember going to get Chinese take away one evening with my daughter, as we place our order we sat down to a very young friendly lady who was waiting for her order. She started to talk to me and my daughter and we engaged like people do until eventually the words popped out of her mouth to my daughter......."I bet you're a real little Daddy's girl, I know I was when I was your age." How do you respond to this, luckily my daughter ignored her and didn't engage in her question and we moved swiftly from it. I also still wear my engagement and wedding rings because I have not felt ready to take them off.
I guess what I am trying to get from this post is, is that if you or someone you know loses someone close to them, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Talk about the things you previously talked about, if the person who has lost someone wants to talk to you about their loss then they will let you know and believe it or not, sometimes they don't want answers or solutions, they just want a pair of ears that will listen, we just want to be treated like we were before the loss, as a friend!