I used to be one of those people that had photos everywhere in my home. I had them in my living area, my hallways, in the bedrooms, I literally had them everywhere. These photos were always ones of loved ones, family members that lived near and far. There were photos of my husband and I, there were photos of us as a family with our daughter. Then one day I decided enough is enough, I have had enough of these photos staring me in the face when I get out of bed in the morning, when I eat my breakfast, when I go out and come home, I look too happy and I do not feel this way now.
So one by one I took each photo out of their frame and stored them away. My issue was and still is, is that I would get all these mixed feelings when staring at these photos. I would feel the love that I had felt when that exact photo was taken, I would feel how happy we all were, and then I would feel angry and want to throw something across the room in rage because all of it has been taken away. Why should I look at these photos any longer, they are no longer a reflection of how I feel inside.
My home now has only 2 photos that I can visibly see and even one of these photos bothers me. It is a photo of my husband and I on our honeymoon, whenever I look at it I feel sad, sad because he is no longer here with us and then I get angry. I loved my husband so much and to see a photo of us both standing there looking so happy is just wrong. It is just a painful reminder that he is gone but I cannot take this one photograph down because then I am afraid, afraid that he will think I don't love him anymore even though I know that is not true. So I still face this photograph day after day.
In my hallway I have a picture frame with the word "Love" written in the middle still on my wall which stands empty. I decided that I was slowly going to fill these frames with new pictures, pictures of our memories now. Over a year later and this frame still sits on the wall empty. I just cannot push myself to find photos to fill it with that will bring me joy and happiness. If you've had a similar experience or are experiencing the same thing then I would love to hear what you have done.