Today I sit and stare at a page given to me by my CBT therapist. I am supposed to fill the page in and then take it back to her as part of my treatment however I am avoiding this one tiny piece of paper like the plague. I've had this piece of paper in my possession for 3 weeks and I need to return it tomorrow at my appointment, if that isn't avoidance then I don't know what is.
So the next question you may be asking is why am I having CBT and for you who don't know what CBT is, it is short for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have been referred to this treatment for PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. How did I get PTSD and how do I know I have it you may ask? The way the therapist explained it is very interesting and basic. I witnessed something traumatic and my brain has gone into overdrive and does not know how to file away these traumatic memories so instead they are still floating around in my brain and causing me PTSD symptoms which are nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, obsessive compulsive behaviours, mood swings and anxiety. CBT is basically a type of therapy where we are going to go through the trauma step by step and try and get my brain to file away some of these files and at the same time give me coping mechanisms when and if my brain decides it wants to have a flashback etc.
I witnessed my husband die which was an extremely traumatic event in my life. The circumstances surrounding his death and how he died has made it very difficult to come to terms with. I don't want to go into too many details yet as that is when I tend to breakdown.
So back to that little piece of paper I go. My homework needs to be done if I am going to tackle this, wish me luck. :-)