I managed to complete that page that I was dreading to fill in and only did it 2 hours before my actual appointment with the therapist. In all fairness I went to yoga this morning and knew that after a yoga session I would be more focused and relaxed in order to complete the dreaded task that lay ahead of me. So off to therapy I went with this one piece of paper that had been taunting me for 3 weeks only to be given another two pieces of paper to fill out and return for my next session in 2 weeks. :o(
During today's session we discussed the body and the brains reaction to trauma and it made me realize how much of what I had to witness has messed with my body and brain. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression but I have always somehow dug myself out of the holes I found myself in. More recently I have got to a position where I am at a loss on how to continue going forward, it has almost become too much for me and I am just exhausted with continually fighting. This is what made me seek help because I know myself and I know I need it.
One word that stuck out strongly for me today was the word "bleak." Funnily enough this is not a word I use often and I can never recall using this word before to describe something. My therapist asked me how I saw my future now and the word that popped into my head without any hesitation was bleak. She immediately looked up and said that she heard that word a lot from people and was a very common word to describe their future.
So now I sit with 2 pieces of paper that need to be completed before I see her in 2 weeks. That one little piece of paper taunted me so much and already these 2 are. Part of my homework is to keep an ACE log. Every day I need to write done something for each of those letters which is, achievement, closeness and enjoyment. Today I have probably made 2 achievement which are completing my homework and writing this blog, let's see how I get on with the rest of the homework. Wish me luck again. :o)